Thanks for the Feedback
THE SCIENCE AND ART OF RECEIVING FEEDBACK WELL*
*even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and frankly, you’re not in the mood
Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18114120-thanks-for-the-feedback?from_search=true
The long and short of it: This is definitely worth your time to read. If you deal with humans at all, this will be beneficial for you.
It primarily focuses on the receiver, but there is a lot of direct or extrapolated info that can be very useful for the giver as well.
Key points:
Feedback can be classified into three types:
- Appreciation
- Coaching
- Evaluation
-If you are seeking feedback, be explicit about which type you require.
Understand what type is being offered you.
- You can and should ask questions to clarify.
- Sometimes, a mixture of types is being given. Attempt to distinguish and address separately.
Recognize your feedback triggers and blind spots, and communicate when they are obstructing your receipt of feedback.
- Truth triggers: You don’t believe the validity of the information. Your wisest course of action is to identify if there is information you are missing that lead to this difference of opinion.
- Relationship triggers: Your relationship with the giver of feedback is impacting your interpretation of the information. Do not shift or absorb all of the blame. Take the time to identify WHAT the problem is, and how you may be contributing to it.
- Identity Triggers: We range in sensitivity to feedback; sensitive or insensitive. Your position on this scale will contribute to your reaction and your reception to feedback. Your healthiest management of this is to develop a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset. In brief, do you believe you are fixed and unchangeable, or do you believe yourself capable of change, learning and growing? Bring a growth mindset to the interpretation of feedback.
Take ownership of your responsibilities as a feedback recipient.
- Place boundaries. When the feedback is not constructive or welcome, it is your responsibility to communicate when you’ve had enough, and if the giver can present it in a way that is constructive for you.
- Manage the conversation: Listen (ask clarifying questions, paraphrase and acknowledge). Assert your own feedback or viewpoint of the situation (not in an aggressive, but a helpful way). Act as your own referee to make the feedback as useful as possible. Problem solve- if the giver has taken the time to give feedback, they are likely hoping for a change. If this is something you agree to do, be very clear how this is going to happen and what outcomes you are both looking for!
It feels like a crime to have compacted the book this much! The authors discuss several real scenarios and examples to manage their points, as well as greatly expand on the concepts and techniques.
It’s worth repeating: this book is worth your time! It will be helpful for management, work interpersonal skills, maximizing the usefulness of annual reviews, and I’d go so far as to say: helpful for all your relationships!
It’s not a super fast read (SO much valuable content) but they are very good at summarizing key points and concepts in charts throughout, so it’s an easy reference to refresh yourself ever so often.
We’d love to hear if you find this makes a difference in how you feel about feedback!
Bonus: Does it change how you handle client feedback?!
Drop us a note or open a discussion!
Further Reading/Resources:
Book Rounds: Performance
For Better Or Worse
Book Rounds: Imposter Syndrome
Imposter. Identified.
How to Love Criticism (Adam Grant’s Work Life Podcast)
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